Nirvana Straight Ahead

I wish that I had a well-marked path to follow.

One with signs that said, “nirvana straight ahead.”

Instead, I hear whispers to “follow me” or shouts of warning “don’t go there.”

Of course, the voice sounds familiar, as familiar as my own

I am tired and feel faint when I test the limits of my strength and endurance.

I am frightened when I wake up from a wrestling match with my sheets.

I am eating too much and not enough of the things that elders should snack on.

I am confused about what I want out of life.

I have come to realize that life expects less out of me in my 70’s. 

If only I were in an ashram sitting under Buddha’s tree,

if only I were sipping wine in the vineyard of a villa in the south of France,

if only I were on a road trip crisscrossing the country from one roadside attraction to another

If only I were on a yacht off the Florida keys, watching the dolphins leap into the air

or paddling in a kayak, making my way along the rivers from town to town

If only I met someone who understood me and I them

Understood me as you did as well as you knew the back of your own hand.

If i had a friend, If I had a community,

I am alone a lot, I am not bad company, It is quiet here and somehow I have more time to myself than I can ever remember. I am never bored. I find things to occupy my time.

My hobbies have become my solace, I write, I ride, I photograph.

I wish that I had a well-marked path to follow.

One with signs that said “nirvana straight ahead.”

Instead, I hear whispers to “follow me” or shouts of warning “don’t go there.”

Of course the voice sounds familiar, as familiar as my own